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Costa Rica Suspected of
Having Bananas of Mass
Destruction**
Written by Victor Nicholas
The US announced today it will
be invading Costa Rica based on
evidence that the central
American country is in
possession of bananas of mass
destruction.
Presidential military advisor
Tisiki the squirrel monkey stood
by President Bush for the first
time in public at today's' press
conference as the announcement
was made. Democrats are outraged
at the announcement and say
there is no proof that there are
any bananas of mass destruction,
Tisiki is just homesick for the
place of his birth and has
persuaded Bush to go along with
his plan by telling him that
bananas are a good source of
potassium and are easy to
digest.
President Bush says that bananas
of mass destruction may already
be in the US. He is encouraging
all citizens to report suspect
bananas to the FBI. Some grocery
stores in California have gone
so far as to cordon off entire
fruit and vegetable sections.
Homeland security has called for
a red banana alert in some
states.
The American military says it is
not prepared to invade now as
conventional military equipment
is of little use against
bananas. The sheer number of
conventional bananas in the
country makes the task of
finding BOMD painstaking and
dangerous. Large numbers of
military cooks familiar with
bananas have received special
training as bomb squad experts
to deactivate the alleged
bananas, even so it is
anticipated to be slow going.
Military leaders are wary of
entering into another long
drawn-out war with no hope of
victory. Soldiers training for
the mission in simulated jungle
situations have suffered serious
back and head injuries due to
slipping on waste banana skins.
Crampons have been tried with
some success however soldiers
under cover have been found to
snicker at remaining pratfalls
exposing them to enemy fire.
Training manuals have been
prepared based on the work of
Jonathan Swift and James Thurber
to elevate the comic
sensibilities of recruits and
avoid unwanted laughter. Field
testing has shown soldiers to
fall asleep while reading the
manuals and snore loudly drawing
more enemy fire than sniggering.
Potentially many soldiers could
be lost.
Residents of Costa Rica have
grown brazen with the news.
Large rallies have been reported
outside of the cathedral in the
capital of San Jose with crowds
raising bananas over their head
in defiance shouting "We know we
cannot win, but America will
lose".
Author David Hawkins says that
Bush and Tisiki are not being
honest with the American people.
"The invasion is really about
securing a steady supply of
bananas, America is addicted to
low cost bananas."
The story above is a satire or
parody. It is entirely
fictitious.
For more
"spoof" stories click here! |
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