The Saga of Don Judas of the Wolves and David MatterNone.

By: Bill McWade


Don Judas: “MatterNone! MatterNone! It is I, Don Judas.”

MatterNone: “My Lord! How can I serve you?”

Don Judas: “Go into the vineyards of trusting souls and extol the virtues of investing in the name of the chosen one which is I, Don Judas.”

MatterNone: “Direct me, Don Judas. In your name, I will share the good news.”

Don Judas: “Travel into the area known as the Valley of Trusting Gringos. Let all know whom you meet that there is a unique place where they might find high returns, low visibility and serenity in knowing that their total worth will be
secure in perpetuity when they invest in “The Sacred Trust.”

”Share the good news with all whom you meet that the holy bond that will bind them as one with the most holy will provide them a consistent income and that which all mortals seek, the all elusive quality known as, peace of mind.”

MatterNone: ” What if they ask pesky questions, Don Judas?  What if they ask how we accomplish our blessed mission in generating incredible interest without committing to felonious intrigue?”

Don Judas: “MatterNone. If you use the name of the Lord as often as possible during revered negotiations, these mortals will fall prey to your soothsaying mutterings, believing that one who claims to be the 13th Apostle ought to be believed in, as long as he mutters with consistency and includes recommended biblical verses on all correspondences.

The frail will believe!

And so David MatterNone did as he was told by Don Judas of the Wolves. The Frail did come and they did believe, just as Don Judas had predicted, the years went by and so many came that the business grew beyond imagination.

Don Judas: “ The die is cast, MatterNone. It is high time to skadaddle with the awesome booty. Better to skip town now while the vineyard folk continue to accept your drivel, before realizing that something is very wrong in Dodge and ask for their total investment back.”

MatterNone: “How will we accomplish that, Don Judas?”

Don Judas: “ The tapioca is about to coat the fan blades. We will honor the sacred trust of our pious politicians so that we are covered from intrusion by the fearsome group known as, ”The Authorities.” They will cloak our significant booty via ‘Wam Bam, Thank you Mam, Inc.’ and inform The Authorities to simply not look underneath particular rocks.”

“As long as we can conceal our particular rocks from intrusion, our lot will be secure.”

MatterNone: “How did J.P. Morgan handle his investors?”


Don Judas: “Ah, yes. J.P. sputtered the following statement that best applies to this situation, ‘The public be damned.’ Ya’ gotta love him!”

MatterNone: “What becomes of me, Don Judas. For my tail is well exposed to scorn while yours is best concealed in the rain forests to the North!”

Don Judas: “Oh faithful and competent MatterNone, I have a plan for you. Would you like to escape harm’s way, MatterNone?”

MatterNone: “Yes, my Lord. I fear most for my Tica wife and the lil’ tails that depend upon me the most!”

Don Judas: “Fear not, MatterNone, for I know that what you endeavored to accomplish was done on my behalf. You will be rewarded well beyond your dreams. Trust me, you will have nothing to worry about ever again.”

Don Judas: “Hector! Please escort MatterNone to Valhalla, provide him with the means to escape his plight with all due security, immediately!” ”Believe me, MatterNone, heaven awaits you. Your fate is secure. My word is my bond. You asked and trust me; you will receive!”

MatterNone: “Muchos gracias, Don Judas. I never doubted your word.”

Hector: “MatterNone, out of respect for Don Judas, I had a smoke on the roof as I enjoyed the view of the rain forests that surround our eternal compound. I erred and left the all valued packet that Don Judas wanted me to present to you that will provide you with ultimate security. Would you care to accompany me to the roof so that I can give you your just do?”

MatterNone: “Certainly, certainly, Hector!”


Moments later.... As the two men gaze upon the fruited plain…

Hector: “Over here, MatterNone. Do you see the leather portfolio over there? That’s your ticket to Paradise. Would you care to take the next step that will ultimately take you to Paradise?”

MatterNone: “Lead the way, Hector. The payoff; after all, That’s what it’s been about all along, isn’t it?”

Hector: “Pura Vida, MatterNone!”

MatterNone: “Pure life, Hector. Love ya’!”

Hector: “Love you too, trusted comrade…”

As the two Apostle’s of the Lord approach the valued packet, which reflects the very sunlight into the face  of MatterNone, the latter’s mind slips into pure joy mode as he visualizes in the recesses of his brain how he is
going to spend his hard earned dough.”

Hector: “MatterNone, you’ve never been up here before? Beautiful, don’t you think? Just look at the view of the sun setting over rain forests that surround our sacred compound.”

MatterNone takes a moment and absorbs the beauty of the hues, the colors, the majesty that surrounds the sacred compound.

At last. MatterNone was content. Peace was finally accessible to him and those whom he revered the most. His family. He closed his eyes for a moment and muttered a prayer of thanks to his Lord.

As MatterNone reflected, Hector ‘The Collector of Unrepentant Souls’ quickly leaned forward and picked up an awesome stick inscribed with the name, ‘LuisVille Slugger’.


Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!

MatterNone never had a chance. He was whapped to death by this loathsome LuisVille Slugger bat. Lead to the ultimate destination by good friend and confidant, Hector, ‘The Collector of Unrepentant Souls’.

Alas dearest reader, over the ledge of the building travels MatterNone, head first. Watch out for that step, Davie, darlin’! It’s a lou-lou! Splat! Holy moley! What a mess!!!

Hector: “Senora MatterNone. There’s been an accident. Please! Come with me. MatterNone needs to see you right now!”

Senora: “Is David hurt, Hector?”

Beloved Mary is trembling.

Hector: “It’s important that you accompany me right now Senora Mary. And by all means, bring the children!”

Senora: “Gracias, Hector. Children! Children! Let’s go! Please, Hector, please show us the way.”

Hector: “My pleasure, Senora MatterNone. Please, with all due haste, let us go!”


The Oracle de Naples, Florida


Bill McWade