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President Pacheco To Resign
While in Italy, in a meeting with the Pope, President Pacheco decided to
resign the Costa Rican presidency and run for the high office in the
Catholic Church. Following again in the footsteps former president Rodriguez who has been
campaigning for the position Secretary General of the Organization of
American States (OAS), Pacheco feels that job is better suited for him and
since he's already in Rome, why wait to start lobbying for the position. In
an telephone interview Pacheco was quoted as saying, "diay, pura vida!"
ICE To Offer Great Service!
The Instituto
Costarricense de Electricidad (ICE) has announced that today only there will
be exemplary telephone and electrical service in the country. There will be
no lost calls on the cellular network, all orders for home telephones will
be filled today and no power failures anywhere in the Country. The ICE union
is outraged at this news and is planning a march downtown to protest. A
union spokesman was overheard saying. '...next thing you'll know is that
people will come to expect that level of service every day!".
Villalobos Creditors to be Paid
A letter was received this morning by Enrique Villalobos Camacho notifying
all his creditors that he will be at the Gran Hotel Costa Rica 7th floor,
suite 709, between the 1:30pm and 1:15 pm sometime this month. He said in
the letter that he has only enough money to pay the first 100 investors, the
rest will have to more patient with him. He assures in the letter that the
rest of the money is safe.
2004 U.S. Presidential Election Canceled
President Bush announced
today that the 2004 presidential election will be canceled due to the war on
terrorism and other scheduling conflicts.
Although the U.S. Constitution expressly mandates that presidential
elections be held every four years, a little-known clause in the USA Patriot
Act, which Congress hastily approved in the wake of the Sept. 11 terrorist
attacks, gives the sitting president the option to cancel a presidential
election and remain in office indefinitely if he deems it in the national
interest.
In a brief statement from the Oval Office, Bush said, ""A dictatorship would
be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it," adding, "My
administration is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
Exclusive! bin Laden found
alive and well in Rome
The world’s
most wanted terrorist, Osama bin Laden, was found today at the Vatican in
Rome, where he announced his intention to convert to Catholicism and become
a priest.
“All men are equal in the eyes of God,”
Pope John Paul II declared as he welcomed bin Laden to his flock. “Our
newest brother has renounced his former evil ways and shown his intention to
spend the rest of his days serving God.”
A church spokesman said the new Catholic priest will be ordained as “Father
bin.”
Norton Buys
Microsoft; McAffee Files for Bankruptcy
Norton the leader in
anti-virus internet world with it's announcement that it has bought
Microsoft Corporation, the world's largest software company, valued at more
than $328 billion. Norton will concentrate on adding a virus to every
software program it ships in an effort to dominate the anti-virus market.
The president of Norton said, "since we will be control of which program has
which virus, we will have the only anti-virus software, which will allow us
to dominate the market." In a related story, McAffee filed for bankruptcy,
more sure are to follow.
Internet 'Spring Cleaning'
E-mail Circulating Again
Each year the Internet must be shut
down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process,
which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows
for a better-working and faster Internet.
(Editor's Note: Yes, this page is an April Fool's Day gag. But don't
be embarrassed if you believed it;
you're not the
only one.)
Click here for the "real" news! |
