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FALLING IN LOVE:
Over and over I fall in love
-By Michael Jean Nystrom-Schut
"Did I tell you? I fell in love again today! This time it was a really special and wonderful time. Some such "fallings" are great, some are just mildly so - but it's always a wonderful thing to fall in love, don't you think? That's why I've fallen "in love" many, many times...just this week!"*
Possibly perverted sex book writer
I enjoy the feeling of being in love; I am convinced it's one of the best feelings available to (wo)mankind. Thus, I continue to fall in love.
Don't bother me with your strange looks and frowning expressions; I'm not looking anyway!
When I say I "fell in love" I refer, in the context of what we are talking about in this book, to falling in love, sexually, or sensuously, with another person.** There is some lust involved. There is a stirring of the senses involved. There is the capturing, and holding hostage, of the imagination involved.
I may not be "back to normal" for a while; some woman are especially lovely - inside and out; it's not just a "beauty" thing. Although we might not have gotten to exchange any actual words (which is all-too-often the case) I still recognized it as love, all right.
I noted it as such when she whisked past my writing space, for example, and I looked up into her eyes, then down at her broad chest. I realized, at that very instant, that she was that nurturing, mothering, loving, sensual, sexual being that I am so often prone to "fall" for.
It has happened countless times in my life; I shouldn't tell you this part, but would I startle you if I said I have fallen in love several thousand times?
It will, no doubt, happen some more, perhaps even before the sun sets on this day, since that gives me about four more hours of sunlight to fulfill the projected prophecy. I hope I fall in love again today… I hope someone captures me and holds me close to her again.
Do I irritate you? I don't mean to…
Maybe you are saying to yourself that this man degrades the notion of falling in love. Perhaps you are concluding that I must be a hopeless pervert, an unfettered womanizer with no scruples, a possessor of no higher meaning to the life process?
Please hold your galloping horses, if you can, if that is the way you are shaping me just now; I see the world my way, through my eyes, not yours.
So, do you mind?
If your world, or viewpoint in it, proves to be superior to mine, then look out, because I am coming over to your way of thinking, and you will have converted me.
In the meanwhile, I will probably fall in and out of love all the daylong, all the nightlong, until you can get to me with your lines of logic.
God Herself gave me these sensitivities, and I'm not sitting around on them; I am acting upon each of the impulses which are neither good, nor bad; they are neither right, nor wrong. They just are, they are the feelings and definitions I have come to use in order to define my life.
Incidentally, this book is my tenth writing endeavor. The previous nine had little or no reference to sex. So, sex is not all of what I am about…
…Anyway, if I fall in love two or three times a day, each and every day, and you fall in love two or three total times, in the entire course of your being on this earth, I must reason with you as to whom is the richest of us? Of course, I think that this honor would belong to me.
You should know that. I am rich because of the love that floods in, and out, of my life, all the time. It is a never-ending flow that happens. It is good, pure, God-sanctioned, God-approved, life embracing, life honoring, life-enhancing; so very totally awesome.
The filthy mouth of someone else, anyone else, interpreting me as being anything less than a spiritual being, connected and inseparable to and with God, does not make it's way to the inner sanctuary where I reside. It is not the falling in love that is the defining chapter of my being, it is the intention of it all, it is the end result of it all, it is the culmination of what it have created from my unformed shape, that should be most significantly noted.
"What is this man saying?" you inquire. I can hear you now…
I am saying that falling in love (like I so often do) does something to me. It changes me. It molds and shapes me. It tells the story of who and what I am. And that is a core question; who and what am I? That privilege is for you to observe and process, and what you come up with is frankly none of my business. It is, for me, just to be and do, to live, on a daily basis, more like on a momentary basis. That is what I do.
I appreciate your input, but that's about it. After that, I simply have to "get ghost" (get up and leave). I have more of life to love. I have more people whom I need to know, to love, to experience.
What is waiting for me around the next corner has much to do with the experience of my life itself. Life is a wonderful and beautiful process. Wouldn't it be great if we could partake in it all with each other? But, of course, we can't do that. God may be able to commune with each of us, but that's a difference between God and us.
We can, however, share love between some of those members in the human race. And it is thus that I fell in love a while ago, and anticipate falling in love some time from now…maybe even in the next few moments.
…Now there is a young Indian girl sitting across the room from me. She is quite beautiful with her dark features and pretty smile and graceful essence. She is sitting with a man; either her husband or lover or close friend - the body language is giving that clue.
He's a nice-looking man at that, but I am just now fixed on her. What innocence and elegance and beauty she possesses…oh my God! I think I might be falling in love again.
…Don't hate me, for which sin do I commit in your eyes? I'll be okay in a little while. But I am better for the experience. God allowed the crossing of our paths. No mortal or venial sin was committed.
I am thankful for the flittering of life within my being; I am in an appreciation of it; I do not want to harm her, her relationship, or even any part of her day, by any act of selfish inappropriateness. So don't worry…I'll behave.
In my mind, I am, however, pondering my feelings; I think I almost fell in love again. It is time to thank God for that experience, as I thank God for all experiences, regardless of content or bearing on me.
Love: what beautiful expressions it gives to us.
*By "falling in love," I mean that we should experience - if in no other place than in the vast emptiness of our minds and spirits - the love of the Universe, as well as the children of the Universe. When you do, you will be rich…rich just like me!
**Falling in Love - "Over and over I fall in love" is an excerpt from Interval 4.7 of my book Loving Sensual Exchange: The marriage of Sex, Love and God, 2000, Intermixt Press.
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